Partners

Strengthen your bonds

Talk about what makes you a strong couple (and how becoming parents will make you even stronger). In the coming months, your relationship will undergo unique challenges, but it’s important to talk to each other about you feelings/worries and expectations so you are working as a team. Stay close to your partner emotionally.

Paternity leave

You are entitled to up to two weeks paid paternity pay, which shouldn’t affect pay rises or building up holidays. Check what you are entitled to on gov.uk.

Keeping active and healthy together

Being active in pregnancy is really beneficial so support each other to do this.

You can help your partner to eat more healthily, and make sure you reduce the risk of any infections they might get from foods.

Get support to stop smoking.

Antenatal appointments and classes

Antenatal classes are great to find out lots of information; they prepare you and your partner for labour and help you learn how to look after a small human being.

Getting to know your unborn baby

Talking, reading and singing to baby in the womb will all promote brain development and bonding with baby, even before baby arrives! Spending time with your partner practicing slow steady breathing, practicing relaxations, or listening to music will help create a positive, calm and stress free environment for baby.

• Be prepared
• Be there and know what she wants
• Provide company
• Give her practical support
• Provide emotional support
• Take care of yourself
• Listen to her
• Be confident, encourage and motivate
• Be an advocate
• Be flexible

Get involved from day one

Family and friends will want to visit, try to limit visits and enjoy this special time for your new family.

Accept offers of help

Help your partner recover after the birth physically and emotionally

Work as a team

You are learning new skills together. Try to see life through your baby’s eyes. This will help you become responsive parents.

Lack of sleep can be challenging

This is a normal aspect of becoming a new parent.

Having realistic expectations of normal newborn behaviours will help you cope.

Be involved with baby cares

Create a new “normal”, go with the flow

Be patient when it comes to sex. The right time to resume sex is whenever you both feel ready. It is important to think about contraception.

If your partner is pregnant or recently gave birth, you might feel the focus should be their health. But partners can also develop mental health problems around this time too. This can include feelings of depression and anxiety.

Everybody reacts to becoming a parent in different ways. But there are some common signs that you may be experiencing a mental health problem. These include:

• fear, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty about the future
• guilt, for example because you weren’t the person who had to give birth
• withdrawal from family life, work and social situations
• indecisiveness
• frustration, irritability, cynicism and anger
• hostility or indifference to your partner
• hostility or indifference to your baby
• using more alcohol or recreational drugs than usual
• finding it hard to sleep, even when you have the chance
• physical symptoms like indigestion, changes in appetite and weight, diarrhoea, constipation, headaches, toothaches and nausea

These experiences can be very hard to cope with – but with the right support it is possible to manage these feelings.

You can talk to your doctor any time. This includes when your partner is pregnant or after your child is born. Your doctor can refer you to local support services or talking therapies. They could also prescribe you medication for your mental health.

In Bradford you can self-refer to:

• My wellbeing IAPT – who will fast track during pregnancy / postnatal
• Andy’s man club – groups in Bradford and Leeds

There are several national organisations who specialise in helping and supporting partners during this time:

• Mind
• PANDAS – dads offers information for men experiencing postnatal depression
• National Childbirth Trust – information, support and events to support new parents in their local area
• The Birth Trauma Association – information and support for partners of someone who’s experienced a difficult birth
• Fatherhood Institute – works on policy and research to support fathers
• Pink Parents – support for gay and lesbian parents

How to look after yourself

• build a support network: groups, access online/peer support
• manage daily tasks: accept help, cook in advance, take it slowly, don’t pressure yourself
• look after yourself: keep active, get some sleep, take time to relax

Start early

Pre-birth bonding can significantly increase the chance that dads/partners will develop a strong bond with their baby when they’re born. Babies can hear within the womb from around 18 weeks. So, however silly it might feel, take time every day to speak, sing and read to your baby in the womb.

Skin to skin

Make sure that you get skin-to-skin contact as soon after birth as you can. And that’s just the start of skin-to-skin! It’s a great way for dads/partners to continue to get close to their baby in the coming months.

Dad’s/partner’s bond is just as special

It can be easy to see the mother-baby bond as the ‘gold standard’. But the bonds dads/partners have with their baby is unique too. The bonds that a mum and dad have with their baby are different. You support your baby’s development in different ways. It helps babies understand the range of individuals and relationships they will meet in life.

Get involved

Carrying out cares for your baby such as nappy changes and bathing are a great opportunity to bond with your baby. Making faces, chatting and laughing with baby, and bathing with baby will all help to strengthen your bond.